Well, I've only been here for almost 2 weeks, but it definitely feels like I've been here for like 5 years. Never would I have thought that I could get so much and have so much breakthrough in such a short amount of time. I want to break this down so that you can read whatever you are most interested in reading so feel free to scroll through see what catches your eye and just read that or read the whole thing! So excited to share the details of my time here so far!
How I've heard from God in this time:
I have heard Gods voice before in the past in different ways, but it always seemed more occasional and wasn't always a frequent occurrence for me. I would go to a conference, camp or go to a church service where I would feel so filled with the spirit and have a vision or hear Gods voice so clearly but then I would leave that and be so confident I was going to keep pursuing that and then just stop being intentional and get nowhere with my relationship with him. More recently since around January 2022 I went through some hard times in my life and had some breakthrough in my relationship with Christ. It may have taken being in such a season of loneliness to get to that breakthrough when I should have been relying on him that whole time but sometimes, I guess you just need a slap in the face. Starting in January I started to just focus my gaze on him, and I was having more and more encounters with him through other people, conversation, prayer and more. I have also had visions before in the past but that also did feel like a once in a lifetime thing at the time. Since I've been here, and I've been able to fully fix my gaze on him and been surrounded by people also pursuing him as well and have had people to look up to and push me out of my comfort zone I've heard so much from God in my mind so clearly and I've had multiple visions which I never particularly thought was possible. I just want to be vulnerable and share some of the encounters I've had!
Visions- One of the first ones I've had since I've been here was when I was praying over the shame, I've felt from my past with struggles of feeling impure. One of the morals that I do have is that I'm saving myself for marriage and though that has been a struggle for me in the past with temptations and I've thought that I just was never going to do it because society is so different from me in that. When I was praying over that, I was sitting down crying and I had a vision that I was sitting on a cloud, and I then stood up and the cloud turned into a pure white wedding dress. For me this was so encouraging because I felt God was telling me that although at times it can feel difficult that I am going to hold onto that moral and stand firm and save myself till marriage. I just want to share one more in this particular blog. During one of our lectures, we had a time where we were able to pray and just let go of everything and give our hearts fully to him. I knew that I was holding onto some shame from when I was relying on worldly things instead of Christ, so I stood up to declare that that shame and the things I have done in my past don't define me and that I wasn't going to go back to that like I have time after time. While I was praying that out, I had a vision that I was running and the temptations to go back to the worldly things were chasing me. Normally when I have visions, they're pretty short but this one kept going and I think he made this one longer because he knew that I needed to see myself continuing running and not turn back. I've had breakthrough in my relationship with Christ before and then fallen back into worldly temptations, but this vision was so good for me to show that I wasn't going to turn back to those worldly temptations.
Words- Another way that I have been encountering Jesus is this time is through him talking to me while I've been in prayer and through other people speaking over me. I have struggled with talking down on myself and doubting myself so over this time I have gotten single words that he says I am and define me to break those thoughts, so I want to list those! I am, a diamond, free from shame, bold, strong, chosen, free, worthy, brave, beloved, called, not too much, wise and a pearl. There are so many other things that define me, but these are just the words that have either been spoken over me or I've heard in prayer over this time. Another thing that I want to share as well is my breakthrough with my gift of empathy. I have always felt emotions very strongly and I've been able to feel other people's emotions when God puts it on my heart as well. Over the years I have felt embarrassed that I am always crying or so emotional and felt that this gift was just a burden. Over this time, I've been learning to embrace my emotions and not just this but start to learn how to utilize this gift to help others. During our Monday night worship, I was worshipping next to a girl I had just met a few minutes before worship started. While in that time I felt her put on my heart so to myself I just slightly out my hand out towards her to see what I needed to pray over her. When I did that, I just felt a heavy heart and just started crying and when I looked over at her I saw that she was crying. Normally when I have felt others' emotions, I would tend to get consumed by them and just sit in my own sadness. This time I was able to get these emotions under control and then after some mental warfare waiting to pray for her, I went over and did and was able to use that empathy in my prayer. This was so good for me because I finally felt that I didn't have to let these emotions consume me, but I can continue to learn how to use them.
Something I've learned that I'm passionate about:
Taking authority- I have never in my life experienced Jesus the way I am here, and I am truly TRULY in awe of how much he can work in and through me and even in just this first full week and going into week 2. I have questioned why I’ve felt called, why I was worthy of coming here, why I always was told that there was something in me, why did I have to feel this pressure that I had to be bigger than I felt, so many questions and questioning over and over WHY me? If in this time there is one thing that I could come back with even if I were to walk off campus now and never come back it’s that I am worthy, I am a leader, I am full of joy, I have authority, my emotions ARE NOT a burden and embarrassing, I am not too much for those around me, I am made perfectly how I was intended and in Gods image and he does not want me to continue to talk down on myself and think that I am small and I don’t deserve the authority that God gave me. I have had so much breakthrough within myself and have felt so overwhelmed with joy and excitement but in that comes the enemy trying to slither into my mind and tear me down lie by lie because he doesn’t want me to be strong in my faith, he wants me to doubt, and he wants me to feel like I don’t have authority. When I feel overjoyed and excited and get pumped up and filled with the spirit the enemy tries to tell me that I’m being too much for the people around me and I should back up and quiet my voice and stop expressing how he’s moving in my life but I- WE ALL have the authority to quiet the enemies voice in the name of Jesus he uses lies and fear to create mental warfare and tear us down in our breakthrough but I won’t let that tear me down anymore I won’t let the lies and fear hold me back and tear me down because the enemy has NO power over me or you his voice is small and Gods voice has the real authority and in Jesus name the enemy RUNS. I encourage you to speak truth into your life and don’t question your authority or worth or the things that God is encouraging us with but claim how God sees you and cast out all the lies of the enemy DO NOT let him have that power over you because you have the authority to say I am worthy, I am a child of God you are not welcome here in the name of Jesus. Claim your identity and how God sees you and hold onto that SO tight. You are so loved, and I am so excited to continue to see breakthrough in myself and in all of those around me here, in my hometown and to ALL the nations! There is an overwhelming joy found when you lean in the Lord and give it all to him and cast out the lies that have been spoken over you and the enemy puts in your mind!
Schedule:
The schedule here has definitely taken some getting used to, but I actually really like it. It's very busy and some days I feel very emotionally drained because it's so much in one day, but it has been so good. If I'm being honest the hardest part definitely isn't how busy the schedule is its probably more so how much were walking and going up and down what feels like 100 flights of stairs multiple times a day is ha-ha. It may sound silly but if I'm being honest, it has been a bit challenging on my body and God has really given me the strength to continue to push through and make it up those stairs so many times. The first few days was honestly pretty rough on me because my feet hurt so bad. I would wake up and it would hurt so bad to put any weight on my feet because they just felt bruised all over. I am now past that pain though and it is getting easier. I do want to post a little example of what our schedule looks like most days for anyone curious! This was our Monday schedule: 6:30-7:30 breakfast, 8-9 Monday Morning worship, 9-12 Lecture, 12-1 Lunch, 1-2 Intercession, 4:30-6 dinner, 6:30-8:30 Ministry night.
Topic this week:
Each week we get a topic of focus for that week. This week we got to learn about Jesus' story and Gods story. It was so cool to learn more in depth about their stories and get new perspectives on how different books of the Bible correlate and more. It was cool how both the speakers worked together to correlate their stories as well as how different they spoke and how each spoke to me in a different way. Something that was cool that happened one of the days is that one of the speakers after having a time of prayer for people wanting to claim full freedom in Christ ended up having a word for me and one of the other girls and took the time to speak that over us even though it may have not been in the lesson plan. Seeing how the speakers can step away from their lesson plans in obedience to God was really cool to observe and an obedience I strive to have. I have so many notes, so I won't go to in depth on the lessons, but they really have been causing so much new revelation.
Community:
The community here is truly like no other! I have never been in a place where you could walk up to anyone and start a conversation and just be best friends by the end of the conversation. Since day 1 everyone has been so kind and welcoming, and it really makes it a lot easier adjusting to a new place when everyone is going through that with you and encouraging you in that time. I have built so many friendships in this time that I wouldn't have even thought were possible. The ability to meet someone and then 2 weeks later really feel like you've known them for years is so cool and everyone is so open to being vulnerable and getting to know each other. These girls have been there for me in so many ways already and I truly don't know how I would get through this time without them. Community is so important and the fact that YWAM has been able to build one to this size with basically everyone being so kind and open is so insane! I'm so excited to continue to build this while I'm here and see what else the Lord has in store though this community!
I'm going to leave off here for this week I just want to share as much of this journey as I can with you guys in this time. I hope that you guys can get some encouragement from what God has been doing in my life and know that he doesn't just work in my life, but he works in everyone's and wants such a deep relationship with you! Step out in faith and see what happens!
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