Who is That Girl

I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back

I go about my day and the thoughts in my head and the feelings I'm having feel unfamiliar

I go to work and when someone walks in I feel a sense of annoyance

"I just can't people today"

I go home and feel drained

No motivation to do anything

So tired the thought of doing anything but get in bed makes me feel squeamish

I get up the next morning and it all happens again

The unfamiliar yet so familiar feeling of feeling like a stranger in my own body

But is it my body or my mind

Never wanting to communicate the struggles

What if I sound crazy and no one relates

How do you tell someone you feel like a stranger in your own body

Why do I feel so irritable

Why does this happen to me

I wish I could say that I've never felt like this before

I get rid of the feeling and then out of nowhere months later it comes creeping in again

These thoughts and feelings that don't feel like me

IVE HAD IT

If I spend one more day feeling so irritable I feel like I could jump out of my own skin

I'm sick of feeling like I don't know the person in the mirror

Why is the very core of who I am being questioned

I get in the car and I've finally had enough

I start wrestling

Anger, frustration

Why do I get like this?

Why do I feel so lost?

Why is my anxiety back?

Why do I not want to be around people?

Why do I not feel like myself?

Finally

You would think that wrestling with your thoughts in your car would get you nowhere

But things are different when you have a God that responds

A God that responds even when you feel angry and frustrated

Because you finally came to him

"Finally"

"I've been waiting for you"

A breath of relief

I can't hold back the tears

Of course

Why did I feel so lost in my own body

Maybe because I wasn't looking to the very core of who I am

Without Jesus I don't know who I would be But even getting a glimpse of that person I don't like her

Even temporary separation from Him makes me feel lost

He can tell me who I am

A girl who loves people

When she asks them how their day is she genuinely wants to know

A girl who loves to worship

She doesn't care who's around if a good song comes on she will sing

And doesn't care how bad she sounds because its coming from her soul

A girl who loves to talk and has so many thoughts

If someone is willing to listen, she will share all the things bouncing around in her mind

A girl who loves to listen

She will sit and listen to your life story or your struggles for as long as you need

Even if she just met you that day

A girl that feels humbled

When anyone asks for her opinion on something because it shows that they have some level of care of her thoughts on the matter

A girl that feels lost but has a good Shepard

No matter how lost she feels she knows she has someone guiding her

A girl that has such a deep-rooted joy

No matter how long she feels unrecognizable to herself she has something in her pulling her back to who she is

I look in the mirror and see who I am

I am not a stranger like I once was

I am a child

Who was in need of a father